RED Adomination
by XxTigerlilyxX
Summary: In which the series main characters and gods are ridiculed by none other then Rachel Elizabeth Dare, in other words: A R.E.D Adomination. Enjoy!
1. Of Love Declarations and Incest

R.E.D Adomination Chapter 1: Of Love Declarations and Incest 

"Percy! I've got something of utmost importance that I must discuss with you immediately!" Rachel Elizabeth Dare said innocently, skipping up to him. Percy was currently in the sword fight arena, practicing some sword skills. He quickly sheathed his sword and looked up at her, and replied in all seriousness, "What is it Rachel?"

To his surprise, her face broke into a big grin, "Your in luuuuuuuuurve with Annnnnabeth, aren't you?" She sang in a sing-song sort of way, smiling all the same.

Percy didn't like this. But all the same, he came to the conclusion that Rachel didn't have anything important to say, unsheathed his sword and continued practicing. "Come on, answer me!" She said, loud and clear, "Your in love with Annabeth aren't you?"

"No." Replied Percy, blushing redder then a thousand suns as he continued duelling against the wooden dummy, slicing off imaginary arms.

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Not even a little bit?" Taunted Rachel.

"Not even a-" Percy stopped right there, hesitated and didn't continue.

"Good, because Annabeth's the last person you should be in love with. She's got awful messes of icky blonde hair, eyes of poo brown, and her personality's worser then-"

"She's got soft silky blonde hair, and shimmering _grey_ eyes thank you very much, and her personality's perfect, of course I'm in love with her!" Snapped Percy, falling into the very trap Rachel had set up.

"What if she was trapped and turned into a pig, with a horrendous wail? Would you still love her?"

"Yes."

"What if she was taken away from you for all eternity and you had to wait a millennia for her, amongst all the other young maidens to chose from?"

Percy gritted his teeth, "Yes of course I love her! And I always will, no matter what comes between us, or how far we are! I love her and I always will."

Rachel grinned wider, "No matter the situation?"

"No matter the situation." Repeated Percy.

"Good because I got news for you buddy, Annabeth's your first cousin."

The effect from that mere statement was astounding, Percy's mouth dropped wide into an 'o' shape, as he considered this. Meanwhile, Rachel grinned wickedly before shouting in a loud voice to everyone, "INCEST! INCEST! Percy luuuuuuuuuuuuves his couuuuuusin! INCEST!"

-Fin-

A/N: In case you're wondering, this idea came to me whilst I was contemplating Percabeth, and I just realized that Annabeth was indeed Percy's first cousin, and although it's unavoidable since all demigods and gods (ess) are related to each other, I still found it ironic and this drabble came to mind XD

I hope you all enjoyed, there's going to be lots more Rachel teasing other gods, goddesses, demigods and mythological creatures coming up in the next few chapters! Btw, in case you didn't get the name of this story, R.E.D refers to Rachel since it's her initials, and this is about her reaction to the magical world and her teasing/taunting everyone. In other words: A Rachel Elizabeth Dare Adomination!

Reviews are appreciated, but no anoyamous reviews will be allowed.

~XxTigerlilyxX


	2. Of Striped Socks and Pi's

R.E.D Adomination Chapter 2: Of Striped Socks and Pi's

"Miss Athena, may I come in?" Asked the ever-so-innocent voice of none other than Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

Athena looked up from her work, and saw a small girl with fizzy red hair that she vaguely recognized to be Something-Elizabeth-Dare. "Yes, you may, and call me Athena." Said Athena, motioning to a seat on her couch in her living room, "And what is your name again, child?" She asked.

"Rachel, what's that?" Questioned Rachel once she had gotton comfortable on the couch, pointing to a scroll of parchment.

"My latest design of the floorplan, I'm renovating my kitchen to have an extra 2 by 5 feet, a GE Profile Built-In Convection Microwave, a 48-Inch Professional Series Pro Grand Steam Range, a Miele Gas Cooktop, and of course – a popcorn maker."

"Hmm…" Murmured Rachel, who had drifted off shortly after the 'GE Profile Built-In blah blah blah', "Are you really as smart as they say?"

Athena blinked, this was a question she was not asked often, in fact, it seemed like the first time someone had ever asked her that. "Well, yes of course, I'd say so."

"Hmm…" Said Rachel, still not convinced, then suddenly out of the blue, she shouted, "What's the capital of Finland!"

"Helsinki." Replied Athena.

"What's three thousand, five hundred and seventy-four divided by three?" Asked Rachel.

"One thousand, one hundred, ninety-one point three repeater." Athena answered after a slight pause.

"What's pi to the umm…thirtieth decimal." Rachel stammered.

"3.1415926535897932384626433832 795." Answered Athena eagerly, now that she realized she was being quizzed, which she quite liked by the way.

"Good, what's the 18th decimal?"

"8."

"21st?"

"2."

"Good." Said Rachel, beaming, "I was worried you wouldn't get that one."

"Well, I'm not the goddess of wisdom and knowledge for nothing." Replied Athena.

"Really?" Asked Rachel, stretching her voice out in long tones.

"Really."

"Really really really? Are you really the greatest, smartest goddess of all times?" Quizzed Rachel, grinning wickedly.

"I say I am." Replied Athena confidently and evenly.

Then, Rachel swiftly asked the last question to her quiz, "Then why can't you tell two different pairs of socks apart?"

Athena looked down at her feet, to see one adorned in a red and green striped sock, and the other wearing a polka dot pink sock as a counterpiece. For once she was speechless.

-fin-

A/N: Because we all have these days when we put different pairs of socks on each foot, even the gods and goddesses.

Next up! Teasing Hephaestus!

Btw, reviews are appreciated as usual, anoyamous reviews will not be tolerated.

~XxTigerLilyxX


	3. Of Trolls and Metal

R.E.D Adomination Chapter 3: Of Trolls and Metal

"Is that a wonkitated lightsabre?"

"No, that's a hot glue gun."

"Is that bedframe for a mermaid's bed?"

"No it's a rectangular table with very short legs."

"Is that your pet?" Asked Rachel Elizabeth Dare, looking around the objects in Hephaestus' workshop eagerly, running her fingers down some of the statues smooth cool surface, or intriguingly examining metals and tools.

"No, that's a statue." Replied Hephaestus, who was half-heartedly talking to Rachel whilst working on his latest project, which happened to be a new car engine for Apollo after the carefree god crashed his chariot (which just happened to be in the form of a car) in a lake.

"Why is it in that position."

"Because it thinks it's house is cluttered with too much 'mess', so it's chucking out the trash." Replied Hephaestus moodily, and as Rachel looked at the statue, which resembled a hideous looking troll with its mouth open and arms raised above its head, with large metal objects in them looking like they would meet the ground very soon, and she agreed that it did look like it was chucking out trash.

Then Rachel's eye caught something very interesting at the bottom of the statue, "Hephaestus, do you have a family?" She asked out of the blue.

"Yes, doesn't everyone." Retorted Hephaestus.

"Do you have a wife?" Asked Rachel again.

Hephaestus was not exactly the most trusting god, and he didn't like answering questions from a random mortal, however since she was Rachel Elizabeth Dare, he couldn't simply shoo her out of his workplace, so he answered rather grouchily, "Yes."

"Do you love her?" Rachel asked next.

Hephaestus gritted his teeth together, when would her questions end? "Yes, I do." He replied.

"Do you love her very very much?"

"Yes, yes I do, now ge-" He stopped after a moment's consideration and didn't continue.

"Hmm…does she love you too?" Asked Rachel.

Hephaestus was tempted to snort and say 'love, she doesn't know the meaning of love' but he didn't like showing family issues to a near stranger, so he just murmured a barely audible, "Yes."

"Do you, love her back?" Asked Rachel.

Hephaestus snorted, "You've asked that question already."

"I'll ask again, do you love her?"

"Oh for lord's sake, yes of course I love her, and she loves me very much, we're as happy as we can be, happy?" He snapped.

Rachel's eyes glittered with that mischievous glint, "Then why'd you make this statue after her?" Was Rachel's final words, her fingers pointing to a plague at pedestal of the statue, where there were engraved gold letters spelling these words: _Nagging Hag_

_Inspired by Aphrodite._


	4. Of Mispronunciations and Difficult Names

R.E.D Adomination Chapter 4: Of Mispronunciations and Difficult Names

"Oh hey Brianna," Greeted Rachel Elizabeth Dare, walking towards the tall pale girl who was currently practicing archery in the woods, "Aren't you the Great Brianna De Angelo, Nico's sister?"

Bianca turned around in surprise, for she wasn't expecting company, but all the same, she didn't mind company and conversation for she was just getting bored of practicing archery all by herself. "It's Bianca, and who are you?" She asked pleasantly.

"I'm Rachel, nice to meet you Biunca." Replied Rachel brightly.

"It's Bianca. Bi-an-ca, remember 'an'." Said Bianca.

"Bee-_an_," Repeated Rachel with emphasis, "Ka, Bee-an-car. Be a car? That's a very funny name."

"No, Bianca. Ca, not car, no 'r' sound." Explained Bianca.

"Okay…Be-an-gar, be younger? That sounds like something you might hear in a make-up advertisement, are you daughter of Aphrodite?" Asked Rachel eagerly.

"Nooo! My father's hades!" Snapped Bianca.

"Hades?" Rachel placed a hand on her chin in thought, "I never knew Hades had an affair with Aphrodite."

"I'm not related to Aphrodite." Bianca said through gritted teeth, " Aphrodite is NOT my mother."

"But I thought all gods and demigods were related?" Counter-argued Rachel curiously.

"Yes well…I'm not _directly_ related to Aphrodite." Corrected Bianca.

"Ohh…well whatever you say, Be-anchor." Sang Rachel as she skipped away, leaving a trace of annoyance lingering on Bianca's face.

Xxx xxx xxx

**A/N: Ahhahaha, how did you enjoy that? **

**By the way, I know Bianca dies before Rachel comes into the series, so technically this couldn't have happened, but the idea of this drabble was too golden to sacrifice sooo…do what I did and overlook the fact that Bianca dies before Rachel comes into the series ^^ **


	5. Of War Cries and Mimcry

R.E.D Adomination Chapter 5: Of War Cries and Mimicry

"Hmm…not bad, not bad…" Murmured Ares, stroking his goatee as he stared at the opponent in front of him.

Once Rachel had learned that Ares was the proud and magnificent war god, and had visited him in person and summed up his personality, she had introduced to him, an opponent who she dared him to battle. "Dare is my last name, I think I should know how to give one a good dare." She said with a smirk with Ares questioned her intentions, and Ares being Ares, quickly accepted her challenge and told her to stand aside, while he proved his 'majestic weaponry and wicked battle skill that would even make Demeter look up from her cereal'.

"You ready?" Asked Rachel with a knowing smirk.

"Never been better!" Roared Ares, standing tall and proud, he beat his chest with his hands, and down at the other end of the battlefield, his opponent, who was equally tall and beefy, and equipped with armour and weapons of the same mastery, repeated the stance, as if mocking him. "Mmm…" Grumbled Ares, "That one's sure devious…what I need now is a war cry to scare the ichor out of him!"

Rachel discreetly rolled her eyes.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAA AAAAARRRRRRRR!" Ares suddenly shouted, with tremendous energy only a god of war could summon, the very air seemed to be rippling, and to Ares' immense surprise, his opponent sounded a war cry worthy of him, back!

Ares stared at the opponent for a little while, dumbfounded, then he finally cried, "AAAAAAAAAARRRRRROOOOOOOO!" Whilst drumming his chest.

"You done with the wailing? I don't think my ears could take it anymore." Muttered Rachel faintly, with her forefingers firmly implanted in her ears.

"That cheeky little …" Ares trailed away, glaring narrowed eyed at his opponent as the war cry was sent back. "You know, when you're a mighty war god like me, you can't just let your opponent bleat at you – you have to jump in the fight!"

And with that Ares charged down the battlefield, sword unsheathed in a flash, Rachel only snorted to herself as she watched the proceedings.

As Ares neared his opponent, he saw that his opponent had been running towards him too, and he decided in a flash, to side step just before he met the opponent, and to use the opponent's momentary confusion to his advantage. Strangely, it worked the other way around, the opponent himself had stopped too, and was staring at him, in the exact same pose, as if ready to pounce. Ares muttered under his breath as he spun around and swung his sword, there was an eerie clink as it met surface with his opponent's sword, he watched his opponent carefully.

Rachel who had ran along was situated at the sidelines, watching with interest.

"Where'd you get an opponent like this?" Called Ares, as he swung his sword again, to have it blocked again by the opponent's sword tip, and he hurriedly spun a full 360 degrees around, to have his blow blocked yet again by his opponent.

"Why'd you ask? Worried his skill excels yours?" Mused Rachel.

"No, this opponent is a pea-brain, nothing it does can compare to me." Retorted Ares, swinging again and side stepping to the right. His opponent turned around to face him, chest heaving as he knelt down, getting ready to pounce.

"What? I didn't hear you." Muttered Rachel.

"This opponent is a nutjob!" Screamed Ares, loud and clear.

"Sorry? I'm a bit death from your horrendous war cries, can you repeat?"

Ares, who was so wrapped up in the battle, was oblivious to Rachel's insult, and instead replied in an echoing roar, "THIS OPPONENT IS THE WEAKEST, MOST IDIOTIC, WHIMPIEST SWORDSMAN I'VE EVER BATTLED BEFORE!"

After a pause Ares snickered and said, "Look at him, standing there doing nothing – waiting for me to make the first move."

"Oh." Said Rachel faintly, looking like she knew something Ares didn't.

"You know what…enough of him standing there doing nothing – I'm going to finish the idiot, for once and for all." Ares said, bringing his sword up above his head, getting ready to smash down. He tensed his knees.

"Is your opponent ugly?" Called Rachel from the sidelines.

"What? Of course, his knees are wobbly, and his shoulders are unmuscular, and his hair stinks of a rotting scumbag. You know what? I can even smell it from here! Prepare to die monster!" Ares shouted, before releasing his blow, and bringing his sword down with all the divine force he mustered. The blade swung as if in slow motion, and flashed silver in the sunlight, before continuing through the arc...going to meet the opponent any second now…

Then…a huge crack slithered across the opponents appearance and the air around it, with a noisy snap, and Rachel walked out from the sidelines to where Ares was panting, and staring at his opponent with confusion written on his face.

"Congratulations, you have officially won the Most Oblivious Award of the year, one whole battle and you didn't figure out this was a mirror." Said Rachel, grinning mischeviously at Ares. Who stared, open mouth, "M-m-mirror…mirror…mirror…" He stammered.

"Yes, you should reconsider all these comments about your opponent's ugliness…" Smirked Rachel, smiling evilly.

Suddenly the bush next to the broken mirror started rustling and emitting choppy heaves of…

"Is that…laughter?" Questioned Ares.

"Here's your tip for recording Ares war cries and playing them back at him." Said Rachel suddenly, handing a tip to a hand which stuck out of the bush.

The bush rustled some more, and more laughter trickled out.

"Is that…Why…You…%^&** %&*^&(* %(&(&^ (%&(& #$% #$% %# $# $% %$ #% STICK OF DYNAMITE #$% #% #$ #$ #$ **** **** **** YOU **** UP ***** SO BADLY YOU'D HAVE TO ***** SIDEWAYS! #%# &A^%$ YOU #$% - "

And to this day…some say he is _still_ standing at the precise spot, swearing the precise insult.

-fin-

Author's Note: Whaddidya think?

Please tell me in the reviews below (but preferably with an account), this chapter actually meant a lot to me when I was writing it, because it was one of the most hardest to write, and the longest, so I'd like to have feedback thanks.

Did you enjoy it? Hate it? Please tell me.


End file.
